Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Sweet Amber: An Allegory

If you knew me, you'd know I am perfection. I am Grade A student. I am perfection. I am the girl next door. I am everything you could ever dream of. I am perfection. Long flowing auburn hair. Perfect firm and perky breasts and a skinny waist that can fit perfectly into a pair of Size Zero jeans. 

 I am perfection.

Elocution beyond any compare. Harvard bound and a bright future ahead of me. Perfect parents and a perfect life. Perfect everything. I wake up and it rains. I get dressed and go outside for a snack. It stops raining. My life is filled with nothing but hopes and dreams. A small circle of friends and loving siblings. Both children. 

I am perfection. My hair is never messy. Rarely do I ever need a shower, but I do it anyway. Have never been in a fight. I am single. I am perfect. Large beautiful house and my parents pay for everything. My school, my clothes. Everything comes easy. 

I hate it.

I hate everything. 

Sweet Amber wants to show me a different side.

A different side of me.

She fucks with my head and shows me things that I have never seen before. She shows me amazing things in the city nightlife and makes me want to become a different person. I want to become imperfection. "Hey baby, how's it goin?" he asked me one night. I love it. I want the attention. I want all of it. 

The pirate themed bar blasted music through the walls. Getting in wasn't a problem. I am perfection. Every guy here wants to do unspeakable things to me, and Sweet Amber wants me to welcome it with open arms. They come over and whisper atrocities into my ear. Sweet Amber is there accompanying me. I go to her for advice when I head to the bar, "What should I do? I love what I am seeing. I love what you are showing me. Please tell me what to do!" I plead and beg for her advice. She tells me to calm down and have another drink. I do exactly as she says. 

I am imperfection.

I want to perform atrocities.

Sweet Amber shows me how.

Sweet Amber is my best friend and I would do anything for her. With her help, I can do anything. She puts me in a seemingly neverending daze when I have had too much of her. I want to become imperfection. 

I love her. 

"You DTF?" he asked me that very same night. That very same guy. I asked Sweet Amber what that was and she told me that it meant that I was willing to give up my body to this perfect stranger. No matter what. She tells me that it's perfectly fine. She tells me that it is normal. She tells me that its okay. She tells me that the only person who will and should judge me is myself.

"Go for it!" she yells into my ear.

Sweet Amber.

I love you.

Thanks to you.

I am imperfection.

I lack a conscience. I continue to dance with my friends. He sits at the bar waiting to strike like a predator on his prey. I want to be his prey. I want to become imperfection. I want Sweet Amber to show me what my body can do. I want her help and that is exactly what she is giving me. I take more of my beautiful Sweet Amber in and everything becomes a blur. 

I can't see anything

I can't hear anything

I can see everything

I can hear everything

I am imperfection

Sweet Amber swims through my body. She rapes my innocence, and makes me her bitch. I am at her command and I will do anything she tells me to do. Her blood runs cold through mine. She is my best friend. "Hey, stud! What's your name?" I asked another random stranger at the bar. The lights dance wildly, and so do we. I want everything he has to offer.

Sweet Amber pulls me away and leads me to the bar. We both order one more drink from the bar. 

She forces her way down my throat and she envelops me in warmth. She holds me tight and my temperature rises. She confides in me and I confide in her. How sweet are you? How sweet does it get? The attention is on me. I am the belle of the ball. Everyone wants me and I want everyone. 

Sweet Amber tells me that it's okay.

"So are you DTF now?" he asked me one more time. Sweet Amber answered for me, "Yeah! Let's fuckin' do this!" Sweet Amber caresses me from the inside and promises nothing heinous will ever happen to me. I trust her. DTF takes me by the arm and pulls me out of the bar. We are outside and I am stumbling. He stares at me and laughs. He takes a drag from his cigarette and calls a cab.

He pushes me in and Sweet Amber catches me. She envelops me once more in her warmth and she caresses me. "Everything is going to be okay." she whispers into my ear. DTF yells to the cabbie, "Varick and Downing!" 

I can hear nothing. 

I can see nothing.

I am imperfection. 

"I got lucky running into you, didn't I?" DTF asked me. I was unable to utter a word. Sweet Amber wouldnt let me. She continued to comfort me from the inside. He can't see my Sweet Amber.

But I can. She was there the entire time. She is still here with me now. "We're gonna have fun tonight." he said to me. I was afraid, but Sweet Amber tells me to calm myself. Nothing bad is ever going to happen.

Sweet Amber

I love you. 

The cab halts abruptly, and DTF pulls me out.

We walk up the stairs and he laughs with a sinis--