Wednesday, April 4, 2012

My Review of Nicki Minaj's Roman Reloaded

You're in a car with a driver. The driver goes, "Dude, I'm gonna drive this car off a fucking cliff. So, get the fuck out of the car now!" You see the door is open, but you stay anyway. The driver starts driving. "Roman Holiday" and "Come On A Cone" play and you think "hm, not that bad...starting off okay...nice and strong." Then "Right By My Side" with Chris Brown and "Sex In The Lounge" with Bobby V. plays and the car starts veering towards the cliff.

Still in the car and now you're thinking "Fuck. What's next?" After that, "
Automatic" and "Beautiful Sinner" plays and the driver drives right off the cliff. You're screaming your lungs out as Nicki sings over the terrible synth tracks. You're half way to the ground and "Fire Burns" plays. You just want your life to be over right now. "Stupid Hoe" plays and the car makes impact with the ground and explodes in a huge fireball.

But...You're not dead yet. You're crawling out of the car on fire and think, "THERE'S MORE? WHAT COULD BE NEXT?" The Lady Gaga-esque "
Va Va Voom" starts playing and you're burning alive and just praying to die. Before you lose sight of your life "Masquerade" plays and you hear the lyrics "I don't wanna take you if we fall down/Don't get upset/And now, is just the beginning"

I guess what I'm trying to say is that listening to Nicki Minaj's Roman Reloaded is like driving off a cliff.

2/10